Thursday, March 27, 2008

I was born a poor peasant child



I was born a poor peasant child in the countryside of
Yugoslavia to a Serbian grandmother who also delivered me
in the house my father and his father built (my sister was born
in the 'old' house now a barn). My nickname was and still is
"Tsiganka" meaning gypsy. The family lore goes that a
wandering gypsy came begging at the door and instead
of begging for her daily bread she had a baby in her
big gypsy bag.
(enter me).

As I grew up I liked to believe that story. My family
moved to the USA. We flew on a big airplane. We had
never seen a banana before. The stewardesses fed us
one on the plane. They gave us toys. We had never
had any toys. We played with the goats.
(Insert laughter)

Or at least I did. I still have a thing for them and
seriously considered buying a truckload of goats in
India recently to save them from their fate. My driver put
his finger across his throat when I innocently asked
where my little friends were going today.

I was a poor immigrant child for a while then I grew
into a misfit Yugoslavian immigrant young adult then I
blossomed into a full fledged dysfunctional adult.

Then I found spiritual life.
Started standing on my head.
Started reading.
Meditating.
Transforming.

Then I took off on my big adventure and left the
planet and went to Germany to work in advertising. BUT
the real reason I went there was because of an Indian
Goddess
that lives in the forest and gives her
blessing in silence and people from all over the globe
come to a small village in Germany to kneel before Her
and look into Her eyes.

From the first day I looked in Her eyes my whole
previous life was to be washed away in the
stream that came flooding down my face.
I had never seen anything like it. I had never known
anything like it existed. But I was certain I had
waited my whole life to be in the presence of it.

Upon my return to US
and with a strong aversion to walking the concrete pavement of the US
I started to long for the abode of Her silence.
I had many dreams of pregnancy.
Nine months later, against all odds I moved to Germany.
And gave birth to my dream.

I Lived. Worked. Suffered. Sat in Her Light. Had the
most amazing experiences. Had the hugest challenges.

Climbed the roughest mountain.

Once I finally reached the top,
I jumped off and went to the foot of the next highest
peak.

India.

Landed at the abode of Highest Peace,
where all roads end.
Sat at the feet of my SAT GURU for six months. Lived in
an ashram. Donned a sari. Washed dishes. Scrubbed floors.
Met people from all over the globe.
Did this for six months for three years.

Then,
Came back and suffered beyond words.
Felt insane in the clashing of the two realities.

In the insanity of the transition and fluidity
of the experiences girl skirt mission was born.

Then...
Integrated. Adjusted. Claimed my own.

So here I sit. In my yoga clothes.


http://girlskirtmission.com/home.htm

What is Love?

Puttaparthi, India 2/18 - 2/19/08

Meditations from India

In meditation today I got a clearer understanding of what Love is, It is not a feeling nor a power it is a force that has to be harnessed. It is the glue that holds the whole universe together and it is latent in each and every one of us. It is at the base of man. It is so huge and powerful it is an atomic reaction that affects our whole being.
Not new ideas but I understood and saw them in a new way.
And I understood how it is that when we harness that Love that it transforms our reality.
Doesn't matter what we try on the outside to transform our lives to what we want it is the freeing up of this Love in us that creates all good in our lives. Automatically. There is nothing to be done. It's a natural outpouring of itself. A natural byproduct of touching our Source.

I also understood that most importantly it gushes out but we have valves that shut it off. And it is so scary and powerful this Love that the valves serve a very valuable purpose in keeping it under control. I also understood that there are certain triggers that shut them. And there are certain catalysts that help open them. That some are shut tight and some are loose and some that leak sparingly and some that at times, open fully. And that is when we experience our true Reality.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Transcending of limitations

Tue, 12 Aug 2003 21:06:35

I'm a lover of beauty. I seek it from within and without.
I'm a seeker of Truth. I seek it in the infinite and
in daily life. I love music and art. I live with
passion and ... have experienced and lived pain. One
cannot truly exist without the other. I'd rather not
live than live in mediocrity. I'd rather write in the
isolation of my own heart than engage in the nonsense
of that which is without purpose or meaning. I'd
rather walk the dirt strewn streets of India than be
molded by the false faces of the media. I would rather
not have lived... than have lived my life in vain. I adore
the exquisite and the creative. I believe all of life
is but a creation. And one of our making. I adore
the mystical and the magical. I believe all of life
is but a mystical journey of our imagination. I adore
breaking the rules and stretching the boundaries. The
goal of life is perhaps simply the transcending of
limitations. For human being is but a figment of
limitation. Living a prison of it's own making.
Human being is but infinite potential and infinite
longing for it's expression.