What is real?

(after spending six months
in India back to Chicago Aug 2000)

bugaboo....

thank you for that wonderful e.mail. Makes me think I
aint in the big black hole known as homeland.
And....yes my mood can be extreme at times but
I come from extremes it's hard to know what to hold on
to when your venue changes so many times. From India
to Germany to Chicago to advertising with faces I've
seen or known since 1985. It's disorienting and
strange. Sometimes I see someone who looks familiar
and realize, no, that is someone from Frankfurt.

Makes you wonder what is real. Did Germany really
happen? Did I joke and smoke (or at least you did)
with Solveig in the TV studio and get my car washed
and my head smacked and sell all my furniture and my
car and all my belongings again and everything moved
around and rearranged like a puzzle that keeps being
put together and taken apart again and again and
again. And you get used to it but it sure is hell
some of the time. (These words are for you and not
general reading ok?).

And of course I don't mind you got the mail I still
have your handwritten note with your address it wasn't
in my stolen wallet. But my German drivers license
was and so a lot of Germany was swiped away and there
is no going back you can only go forward but it's a
question of how you use what you have behind you to
build what is in front of you. And I know I will never
live a simple closed unconscious life. I will
always need to be free and able to move in the world.
I feel this time is not about getting planted it's
about clearing the road of debris and putting things
in order so I can take the next step. You'll see me
in Europe again. God has a funny way of working and
my life will always be an expansion not a contraction.
It's the only way to give birth to your dreams.

Oh boy.

My sister had one 24 hrs. after I arrived. I've been
back for almost two months and had a lot taking up my
time with family and practical things in the re-launch.

Thank you for the news flash on my furniture it was
really touching that my incense still fills your room
at times and to know that my things are in such good
hands. IT took me back. Thanks for the gift. Those
things were so dear to me and now they are dear to
you. Like a heart transplant.

The world is a crazy place and I'm sorry to hear about
the bombings and neo activities there I haven't been
tuning into the news. It's too depressing. And so
unfortunate. Germany will always have a special place
for me. I only hope and hold to the vision that the
world will someday become a saner place.

You're lovely.

Let me know how your job is and life. I start
freelance next week so won't be at the computer
(friends house) as much but will also send you a
postcard or two or three.

Enjoy Paris!
Love
Milijana