India in you India in me

(first six month stay in India
Wed, 17 Nov 1999)


Dear Lovely,

"Simular" close but not quite. Although I am
impressed with the vocabulary. And I can’t complain
about the spelling since I can barely spell myself.
And this keyboard has the "Y" back in the American
position so my German trained fingers are confused
again. My new residence is a shed so perhaps open your
heart out when it comes to my mail. I can’t imagine
it is so important since I have everything I need with
me. My rucksack my heart and my toilet paper. It is
sunny and hot everyday but not unbearably so yet. All
I seem to meet are Germans my countrymen here. My
neighbor in the shed was a German Homeopath doctor who
returned to Deutschland yesterday and is mailing a
package for me in Germany. See I have the whole world
working for me. But then again the whole world works.
It"s the way of the Universe. You should see it here,
about 50.000 people and it is very unreal.

Costs 6 DM an hour to use the internet! And there are
4 computers in a small room within this tiny typical
noisy village. It is literally in the middle of
nowhere with people from everywhere. Everywhere.

Just getting used to being here. The adjustment takes
a bit of time.
OM Sai Ram! I hope the skies stop crying for me soon.
I'm blissfully happy to have disappeared.

Please feel free to open anything that looks like it
wants to be opened. And if it is a love letter for
me, you’re a texter (copywriter), so write back something very
sweet.

More later. Alligator.
Bis Bald,
Love from Indian skies,
Milijana

http://girlskirtmission.com/home.htm

God incarnates from time to time

(India Mon, 17 Jan 2000)

Hello!

At long last, getting on internet here is no fun
and sometimes when we get on they loose connection so
it is an unwelcome distraction and....with more & more
time it becomes less of a motivation to use. So the
delay in my response.

Happy New Year. And what a year, to you and all
of yours. I am still in Puttaparthi but have located
outside I have a nice two rooms with one little burner
for cooking and the ashram is 10 minutes by foot where
I walk at 5 AM among the wondering mules and street
sweepers and little Indian ladies selling flowers and
normal waking village life.

And All is well. So well. It is a real time warp
the process of being here, there is little connection
to the outside, so it is like leaving the planet, like
being breathed into infinity one slow breath at a time
and it is the greatest joy and greatest pleasure.

Truly, all my wishes have come true. There is
no place I belong but here. It is my home. It is the
heart and soul of creation. And all originates from
the Source. And the Source has chosen to take form.
And it chooses to do so "from time to time" as is
stated in the Bhagavad Gita to help lead man back on
the royal road to God. Whenever man strays the Unseen
and Unspoken takes birth to provide leadership and
example of the road back to Truth, Peace,
Righteousness and Non-violence. To provide
leadership and example is the answer why the Avatar
vs. devotion to the formless. "Love all Serve All".
"Service to Man is service to God" And God has taken
form in Puttaparthi and lives in Prashanthi Niliyam
"The abode of Supreme Peace". And His name is Sri
Sathya Sai Baba. And he sure is Grand. And I haven't
even met him yet.

As you know people from all over the world are
here. But the most impressive is the Indian community
and the scope of what is being done. "It is not in
the nature of Avatars to fail" says Baba.

I could never even in countless pages explain what
goes on here, what is done here and what I am going
through here. It is beyond explanation. But oh my
God, Oh my God and oh my God. Two months and it has
just begun. And it all was and will always be. What
is done here. The unfolding is so manifold there is
no container big enough to keep hold.

There is no other. "There is only the One" and when
I am finished here there will be no container big
enough to hold me back. Such is the weight of my
devotion. Such is the faith of my heart. Such is the
joy in my soul.

It is said one must dive deep into the ocean of Truth
to retrieve the pearls of wisdom. And I would say
one is propelled deeper and deeper by the weight of
ones devotion and the weight of ones devotion is
determined by the degree of ones non-attachment to
worldly things.

Non-attachment is the only way out of the world.
Then one finds that what one called and named sacred
was but an illusion of ones ego.
"God first, World next, myself last"... Baba.

Infinite beauty. Infinite Joy. He is the Christ
Consciousness in human form. And he can manifest
anything by the wave of his hand. "There is no place
where I don't know the way". There is nothing He
can't do or undo. He is pure Love and he says
unaffected by either praise or criticism " I march on
alone undeterred". A living example for me. I too
march on alone undeterred. Because I have had many
lifetimes with teachers I have come to know
and in this lifetime it is the same. And the Gods are
among us. Thereby was my immense experience with Mother
Meera. Thereby was the complete destruction of all
that was old, unnecessary and rendered useless.
Thereby was my first contact with the keeper of my
Soul. The God's are among us. To teach humanity that
we are all Gods.

But this you know.

One of my ashram roommates was a grandmother from
Sarejevo who went through the war with many hardships
and lost two of her sons. She's been twice before and
had an interview with Baba. Out of the group he
turned to her first and said "where are your sons?"
then where is your husband. She didn't now where he
was at the time but has since returned safely
home. She also had private moments with him and as
all who meet him say, he knew every detail of her life
and he showered her with so much love she said it is
not to be described. She sings Bhajans to her
grandchildren in Sarejevo. I met a woman from
Macedonia that saved for 15 years to come to see him.

The grandmother works for a German relief
organization volunteering to distribute food and goods
to the Bosnian community. They helped her financially
to come here for three months.

We were in a group together with two women from
Belgrade one is a Professor at the University and a
published poet and author who found Baba some 20 years
ago and wrote a heart wrenching book on her journey all
over the world and to him as she was searching for a
cure for her sick son. Baba told her to let him go.
And funny enough my roommate was reading her book
during the war with the limited amount of kerosine
oil they had and crying and ended up meeting her while
here. Her roommate was a professor and painter with
long hair and a sense of humor. Jagoda was her name.
There was a Croatian professional Sailor who wanted to
marry me cause Baba told him to make children.

The other night I had dinner with a Malaysian doctor
living in Australia who after 24 hrs. was fed up and
leaving but was loveliness all loveliness and at the
end she had tears in her eyes and hugged me tight.

I could write pages just on the people I've had the
pleasure of meeting here and am very fortunate to have
access to the whole world without moving.

There is a community of people that are staying for
extended periods of time and I love living here. All
of it. I helped a photojournalist from LA ( and art
model and astrologer...it's LA) take pictures around
the village for a book that is being done and was
commissioned by Baba himself. It was pure bliss. I
art directed a lot of the shots and took her to the
locations. And realized that I always have seen all
of it as art. Great art. Even the poverty. There is
such great beauty in all of it. God is all of it. She
is having a show in LA called "India : The Light
Within".

And I only tell you this to show you the variety of
people here. The whole world is united in
Puttaparthi. It is a global village of transformation… personal and global.

I couldn't explain the experience of being here even
if I tried and it is such a distraction to write andto get on line that I won't be in touch much.

But I will be checking my in-box from time to time.
Just as God incarnates from time to time :)

Please know that I hold you in Light.
Love
Milijana

http://girlskirtmission.com/home.htm

Goats

(Mon, 17 Jan 2000)

Dear Pamela Dearest,

Warmth and kindness sound like some lovely qualities
in a lady. Not something the old Pamela would ever
take refugee in as I seem to remember. But those
were days filled with much more hair jell if you get
my stiff drift.

And I am drifting away. E.mail is loosing it's
interest more and more so I fear I won't be too near
in the near future. But feel free to write when I do
make it here it is a treat to hear from your home.

If you're feeling restless India is just around the corner, pay
us a visit. It's getting to the point of boiling hot
by 10 AM. And in a long dress. Or long trousers AND
a dress. Oh my.

I have a small flat outside the ashram now and a
few pet bats, tiny ones are making their residence
behind the screen of my little ventilation window
above my door. That explains the droppings on the
inside of my doorway in the mornings. They squeal in
delight at some time in the early twilight and my
landlady who lives next door has promised to get them
out but in India that could be a while. So I've
gotten to liking to watch them move their peculiar
little forms around and count how many seem to spring
out of one dark shadow cast from the sunlight. They
have webbed feet or are those wings? And
tiny little fingers. In another life I may have
squealed in fright but hard to be scared of such
little things when you have all sorts of human beings
all around you all day long. All sorts of deformities
and I may write a book about the teeth. No one has
seen nor imagined such teeth. Oh my.

SO I awake at 4:30 and am in the darshan lines by
5:20 or so. I walk in the dark morning to the ashram
gate in the village with wondering donkeys (mules) and
little Indian women selling flowers and street
sweepers throwing water from buckets, to clean off
yesterdays spit I would suppose. Spit and nose
drippings are freely spewn about with a swift blow.
And the westerners are all rushing with their folding
chairs that support their backs when there isn't a big
round Indian woman, that is, to lean against in the long
lines which we form every day. Twice a day. In the
afternoon the men sit in the sun while numbers are
pulled to see which lines get the privilege of going
in the first rows. We ladies have cover and when a
row picks number one the shrieks of delight are
quickly hushed by Seva Dals (service workers) who
come from all parts of India and volunteer their time
to help the ashram run. Indian woman of society with
husbands that have money and poor women together
unite and even clean the floors and some the toilets
of the hospital. I told you about that hospital. I
cried again while in there. No greater living example
of selfless service to humanity that I know.
Loveliness. Beauty manifold. Unspeakable beauty.
Untold Joy that is the identity of one they call SRI
Sathya Sai Baba or Swami as he is known.

SO don't imagine it is a love fest cause you could
walk in and see nothing going on except a man with an
afro and orange robe walking in a crowd filled with
all faces imaginable. And lots of people moving
about.
There are people here from everywhere. Even islands I
have never heard of before. But that aint too
difficult as we know.

So the village is my home and my flat is a real find
it is clean and high up so I get a breeze and two
rooms is a luxury (after all I am a queen) It costs
60 USD a month. Yes Franny it's true. I have one
little coil burner for cooking and the ashram canteen
or for 300% the price the outside restaurants. There
is so much building going on now it looks like little
Manhattan. I helped a woman from LA take some photos
for a book commissioned by Swami himself on the
building up of the village. She's a freelance
photojournalist and an art model and an astrologer and
need I say from LA. It was such a treat because I
art directed a lot of the shots and took her to the
locations (very tiny village) since the search for
the apartment made me the resident expert. But I
came to realize that I see all things here as art.
Even the poverty. There is such beauty in all of it.
Each an individual expression of the ONE infinite
beauty that makes up all of it. The colors the faces
the homes did I mention the teeth?

There is no time here. It stands still and there is
no contact with the world. Sure you don't want to
come? Really it is a complete time warp and I have no
sense of the worlds reality. It's like getting pulled
more and more into a cosmic realm that renders the
worlds disorder and disease impotent. It is leaving
the planet. And you were the first to point out that
that is the most logical place for me. Because you
see….Lady of Tripoli.

Now Be Good Do Good to quote the most photographed man
in India. Should I send you a pic. And so take care
of your woman friend and send her some big greetings
from me.

Baba has predicted that there are some difficulties
coming up in the first few months of this year. There
are a lot of changes coming. A lot of people are
feeling restless and things aren't fitting as they
used to. Because the planet is shifting. It's been
preparing a long time for these things that are
coming. And even if there is tough times it has been
forecast for ages and Baba has said that this will be a
very important year and in the end will be a very good
year in spite of early appearances. Through March he
said it will be tough. So hang on to your little
Pammy pants and don't let the tornado spin you off
your Pammy seat. Hold on tight let the winds carry
away the debris and don't worry for the future because
it is a cleansing. A lot of the old has to go to
usher in the new. And we sure need new. Those with
the weight of their devotion and the strength of their
faith will see beyond the appearance of these things.
Even in the form of catastrophes. All will be well.
Just keep the faith. How things feel now are no
indication of things to come. It all may seem bleak
but Baba has forecast that there is a shift in the
sun's rays and there will be some strange happenings
in the atmosphere (and with computers) and people so
perhaps that is some of what you are feeling.

As far a Barb sometimes success is the road of least
resistance. Long ago I remember writing that all of
life is a process of "allowing" and I am just
starting to understand this more fully. Nothing can
be forced. What we resist persists. Sometimes the
key is just letting go and surprisingly that is when
things begin to flow. And differently than we have
imagined. Allow the Universe to direct the show.

And what do I know about it, I can only speak from my
own which is that I never planned any of what I am
experiencing today and yet it unfolds by way of having
continued the process of letting go and holding strong
to faith.

I will ask Mr. Swami my little friend (5 ft tall!) to
help you. He is so lovely. As are you.

Don't forget hold on to your Pammy seat. Let the
tornados winds take away the debris even if you have
to grit your teeth. Nice teeth they are. Here you
would be a star.

All will be well in the end. Beginning without end.
The truth of You never dies. You have done all this
before so try and enjoy the show.

And get out more! A directive from the strawberry
headed Yugo who is breaking out and actually has
friends. Not counting the goats at the nearby shed.

Lots of Love and Light all over your little Pammy
head!

Om Sai Ram,
Milijana
Queen of Lithuania


http://girlskirtmission.com/home.htm

God loves you

(India to Germany Mar 2000)

My dear beloved Eric,

I'm so excited I could pee in my pants. Not only
to get your e.mail but I'm on a real live computer
that works and doesn't take hours to connect. I’m
out of the village and in a real town. The big
computer capital of India , Bangalore so there are
only three terminals but..... no constant loss of
connection and sad faces waiting to reach their many
homes. Their lost lives. Their forgotten places.
Oh woe, I really didn't think I could be this excited
to be in front of a computer screen.

Your Thompson (ad agency) line really cracked me up. Don't
blow it up I want to come and put a wreath of flowers
at it's feet for it has given me the greatest
adventure a girl could dream. Seriously, I will
forever thank that glass palace full of crazy smoking
drinking swearing German speaking freaks. Meaning you
too. You cute freak you. DON'T SEND the mail
PLEASE you as usual are much smarter than me. I've
moved along and won't be at that address. So it
waits. I think I'll be coming back through in the
next two to three months. AND.....You wouldn't believe
what goes on here. Wouldn't believe. So I haven't
traveled around India but have traveled to some very
unbelievable and strange places in other realities.
And my life will never be the same. Do you hear me
Eric head, never ever the same. So call off the
rescue team. Refund my parents the cash. And
redirect the paratroopers headed my way. I'm in
heaven and bliss and can't believe what that Sai Baba
is doing to my life. I have a bit of a secret
but can't tell right away, ok? But if I ever write a
book or make a movie about it you were always the
first to know about it.. And if I settle into an
ordinary life in the West you can still come and visit
and be my first guest.
We probably come from the same part of outer space you
and I so stand up and sing a Hare Krishna!

Did I tell you how many Germans are here!? And
Croatians like crazy. I met a nice Serbian girl from
Bosnia here for 3 weeks and she is my new sister. I
visit with the world. But they all go home and I stay
cause I'm hard core. I go all the way. And many
people from around the world actually live here full
time. And I can only dream a bit of such things...

That's why I lived 4 months in a small village where
the garbage dump is right next to each little
apartment building. And the donkeys and even some
pigs and all the stray dogs come and go through it
before it is burned. That is when you close your
windows and quick. Did I tell you I haven't had warm
water for 4 months or heard a telephone ring?

Now I'm in a suburb of Bangalore in a very small
ashram of Baba's where there aren't 20,000 people
gathered at a time. And it is really great. And
there isn't a person I know that doesn't wonder why I
don't travel around except the ones here, they know.
What is here is so big. What is done is so grand,
that there is no other place I would want to be til
the process I'm under is complete.

It's like Richard Gere, shaving his head and going
into a Buddhist monastery with the Dali Lama for a
year. I’m completely immersed in the thing that feeds
my soul and makes my heart sing. And it is the
greatest joy and the biggest adventure and it's nice
to leave the world for a bit. I have no idea what's
going on out there but I'm so looking forward to
coming back and embracing all that I see. Meaning big
hugs and squeezes so get everyone ready.

Really, I am that happy.
See how much nicer my e.mails are when I'm not sick.

I haven't written or sent anything to the FFF (TV department) it's
impossible from behind monastery walls to do such
things but I'm in a small place and reconnected so I'm
going to do that. I need to send a thank you for my
ruck sack (backpack) gift.

Glad to hear your independent adventures in work are
working still. But there is no doubt. Richard
always seemed to be a legitimate advertising
guy. So that’s not a bad guy to have on your side.
And it may be news to you but you're actually a
likable guy. When you're not cranky that is. How
about personal adventures? As for travel adventures,
I can't predict what is going on here so I can't make
travel plans at all. I'm completely taken up with all
of this.
But I shall be back in Frankfurt and in many ways it
will always be my home. What crazy things we lived
through there. What a life.

Please always be my friend. Come visit me wherever I
land when I leave Spiritual land. And don't smoke too
many cigarettes it's bad for your health.

Ok? Big Love from Saint Milijana who is orbiting
somewhere in the holy land of India.

http://girlskirtmission.com/home.htm

------------------------------------

Hi from Mars

(Chicago to Germany
Fri, 11 May 2001)

Hi Dear Eric!

I'm not actually on Mars in case you were a bit
worried but I might as well be, I'm in Chicagø, the
land of big cars. And big hearts. These Americans
aren't so bad even though I like to give them hell and
leave them as often as I can.

I just came back from another trip to India. I've
been here for only two weeks and am so easily adjusted
back. Last year coming back here almost killed me
after so many years in Germany and then India. It's
true I was one step away from death. But of course I
survive all. Even you. :) You aint so bad. And
you really know how to roll your cigarette! I will never
ever forget my time in Germany it was the best in the
whole world (and the toughest). I forgot about my
post-its but it made me smile to remember them. And
I was very very happy to get your e.mail although it
took a bit of time to write back. Those things are
the best in life. People. Experiences. Opening the
heart. bla bla bla.. you know me.


I'm sorry to hear about your teeth. Illness is the
worst of worst. I hope you have recovered well by now.
It' such a strain emotionally to be sick. I still
have a funny picture of you at your desk and I tell
people it's my friend in Frankfurt whom I stayed with
in my never ending trek of staying with people. I am
still homeless but free and happy. I sold my condo
and made enough money to invest it and have some
security while I explore my wings, and work. I
worked all last summer and Fall freelance at EURO RSCG
doing PA and Jr. Producer work. No big desire to do
big jobs. I worked so hard getting my condo ready
for sale, working full time in a job I hadn't done for
4 years in this country and in moving boxes and myself
around, finding a car and family responsibilities and
everything. Not to mention culture shock. It
really was hard. This year it's a piece of cake but
now to find a job.

And....dear Eric of the Eric family singers...... so
happy to hear from you. I hope work is booming for
you and when I have a home I hope you will bring your
tent and sleep in my backyard. Julia too. A little
joke. My connecting flight through Zurich had me
craving to jump off the plane and stay in Europe. In
your house. Hiding from the world of big cars and
refrigerators. I think I will live in Europe again
someday.

I hope your daughter likes the States it is the best
experience in the world to go away to another country.
That is a very nice dad. If she ever needs anything
she can call me. Seriously. I have a cell phone
and am here till the Fall.

I hope you are happy and healthy and I hope to see you
again someday. My feet have wings so look for me.

Love to you,
Milijana

P.S. I have German karma, so many I meet in India.
God wants to torture me for never learning German. My
roommate was a young professional Ballerina who did
Tibetan Yoga poses in a field next to the ashram as
the sun would set. Zehr Gut!

http://girlskirtmission.com/home.htm

The future doesn't exist

(from Chicago to Eric in Germany
Jun 2001)

If it makes you feel better, your bad English
makes me laugh. It isn't that bad really but a huge
improvement isn't evident so quite clearly my leaving
Germany has left many with a language handicap. And I
don't miss all the people telling me to slow down and
talk slowly, meaning mostly you! Now I can talk as
fast as I want to anyone that wants to listen. Which
is some sometimes and none the rest of the time. I
think I'm rambling because I'm drinking decaf coffee
at an internet cafe in Chicago since I don't have a
computer and don't even drink coffee.

And I think the best would be if someday I parachute
out of an airplane when I'm flying over Europe and
land right in your upstairs bedroom and the only way
you and Julia would ever know is that you would find
me eating breakfast in your kitchen one day. With a
big smile on my face.

Anything to escape life back in States! Your daughter will
have a new meaning for boring after Washington. Not
really. She is in for a culture shock though. I was
and I am an American, of sorts.

And if you trashed a letter that has a check for a
million dollars I'm going to come and feed you
chocolate cookies til you're really really fat not
just a few kilometers or is that kilos? And Julia
will have to roll you to work instead of watching you
roll a cigarette.

Ok?

And don't worry about the future it doesn't exist nor
does the past therefore I'm enjoying myself and not
looking for work. At least not today. No poses in
fields either. I loved that girl she was the best!
And I never learned the Tibetan Yoga poses she was
doing but when in the States, the first book I saw on
my friends couch was on them and so I am doing them
and they are super. Supposed to keep you young
forever. Really. Straight from the Himalayas not
commercial at all. I'll send her to your home for
lessons. Zehr Gut?

I went on one interview with DDB Needham and that was
enough to make me never want to work in advertising
again. Agencies are such scheize sometimes. And I
have been away from it so long and am also at that age
where it just doesn't have almost any attraction so I
too am starting my book. Actually looking for writing
workshops because writing gives me such pleasure and
joy and satisfaction. An important word. And in
truth working at EURO RSG last year also brough me
satisfaction of another sort so I will probably be
back working very soon. Can't escape it. Advertising
that is.

And I am so happy for you to start doing short
stories cause I think it makes doing the stuff for
money easier to swallow. Know what I mean? Do it do
it do it do it. Then translate it and send it to me.
I love words. Growing up, they were always my best
and sometimes only friends.

There is so much beauty in creativity. Makes life
worth living. Creating, expressing. Just like that
big old creator making all those mountains you like to
hike. And beautiful nature you like to adore. Did you
know it was adoring you as well. Just as you are
looking at it in marvel it is looking back at you and
marveling at the beauty of You as pure potential and
expression of all beauty manifest as well. Did you
know that? So next time you see something beautiful
(other than me that is) remember it is seeing you as
beautiful as well and deeply moved right back. Isn't
that a nice idea. It just came to me. Never heard it
before. But I see things visually and as I pictured
you sitting adoring the side of amazing acts of God I
saw it looking the same way back at you and that...is
beautiful. Just like me. Well, it's always harder to
see it in yourself so I'll let you and the mountains
have your love affair. Before I try and have them
loving me.

Oh my. India was so great and so intense and so
unbelievable and timeless and I learn so much and so
much is done to me and through me and so much of bad
things taken away. I see a big change this time
around and it's anger which seems to be missing and
real healing with family. I'm living near my sister
and absolutely loving it and being an Aunt a real one
for the first time, picking up my nephew at school
babysitting for the new baby and spending time in
their new house and just appreciating things I was too
busy running to know before. A new calm (yes me) and
quiet joy and I am just really happy. And like you I
don't know what the future holds but it just keeps
getting better and better so how can I doubt that as
long as I do the best with what is in front of me that
it will continue to be an expansion. We do create our
own reality. Or have a big part to play in it. SO
create some good things! You have so far. I remember
when you used to be employed at the Agency! Yek! remember
that! Just another employee now you're on your own and
you've done well. Appreciate yourself! They say an
attitude of gratitude and appreciation is the magnet
that brings good things. And to be able to visualize
your dream. Concretely to picture it. Good thoughts
positive thinking positive results.

I think we know my new career :) People would either
love me or really hate me!

I just moved into a small but nice studio apartment
near my sister in a great neighborhood with lots of
Arts and bookstores and cafes and families and can't
believe it, have my boxes finally with me! Lot's of
Sai Baba books too! Of course. Now to get a computer
and a job and write and plan my next adventure a sane
trip - no more on the run. And it will probably be
India in the winter…. you never know where you'll find me....

I want the world. Bruce Springsteen once said that.
And look at him. Actually I want him.

Silly me.

Glad you aint smoking. Be healthy. Be happy. And
find a field. Not to take a pee. That's what you need
for Thai Chi. I need some Thai food.

Tshuss! Enjoy Mallorca,
Let the mountains love you,
And a big Hare Krishna to you too,

Milijana
"The Present is a product of the past but it is also
the seed for the future" Sai Baba

"Human conduct is ever unreliable until man is
anchored in the Divine. Everything in the future will
improve if you are making a spiritual effort now"
Autobiography of a Yogi
(Quote I've carried around for 11 years on tattered,
torn piece of paper. I still have my map of Frankfurt
in my day book, tattered and torn).
SAI RAM!

http://girlskirtmission.com/home.htm

What is real?

(after spending six months
in India back to Chicago Aug 2000)

bugaboo....

thank you for that wonderful e.mail. Makes me think I
aint in the big black hole known as homeland.
And....yes my mood can be extreme at times but
I come from extremes it's hard to know what to hold on
to when your venue changes so many times. From India
to Germany to Chicago to advertising with faces I've
seen or known since 1985. It's disorienting and
strange. Sometimes I see someone who looks familiar
and realize, no, that is someone from Frankfurt.

Makes you wonder what is real. Did Germany really
happen? Did I joke and smoke (or at least you did)
with Solveig in the TV studio and get my car washed
and my head smacked and sell all my furniture and my
car and all my belongings again and everything moved
around and rearranged like a puzzle that keeps being
put together and taken apart again and again and
again. And you get used to it but it sure is hell
some of the time. (These words are for you and not
general reading ok?).

And of course I don't mind you got the mail I still
have your handwritten note with your address it wasn't
in my stolen wallet. But my German drivers license
was and so a lot of Germany was swiped away and there
is no going back you can only go forward but it's a
question of how you use what you have behind you to
build what is in front of you. And I know I will never
live a simple closed unconscious life. I will
always need to be free and able to move in the world.
I feel this time is not about getting planted it's
about clearing the road of debris and putting things
in order so I can take the next step. You'll see me
in Europe again. God has a funny way of working and
my life will always be an expansion not a contraction.
It's the only way to give birth to your dreams.

Oh boy.

My sister had one 24 hrs. after I arrived. I've been
back for almost two months and had a lot taking up my
time with family and practical things in the re-launch.

Thank you for the news flash on my furniture it was
really touching that my incense still fills your room
at times and to know that my things are in such good
hands. IT took me back. Thanks for the gift. Those
things were so dear to me and now they are dear to
you. Like a heart transplant.

The world is a crazy place and I'm sorry to hear about
the bombings and neo activities there I haven't been
tuning into the news. It's too depressing. And so
unfortunate. Germany will always have a special place
for me. I only hope and hold to the vision that the
world will someday become a saner place.

You're lovely.

Let me know how your job is and life. I start
freelance next week so won't be at the computer
(friends house) as much but will also send you a
postcard or two or three.

Enjoy Paris!
Love
Milijana