Dreaming of Reality

Excuse the spelling this is letter from Serbian speaking "sister" in
Bosnia in it's original form:
-------------------------------
Tue, February 4, 2003
Sai Ram my dear Milijana!

I want to tell you that in my extremely beautiful and spiritual dream of a few days back you came to visit me in my home (Bosnia) and I introduced you to my mom and some other people! You were so happy and cute and spontaneous as you always are and had some food in our kitchen. The dream also had a part (just before you came in!) where I was doing abhisheka to a statue of Shirdi Sai that I really have in my home shrine. But the best part of the dream, the one I felt I really had to share with you, was the poem you wrote and let me read while at my home.

It was a wonderful, very uplifting poem contrasting the spiritual and ordinary human life. It discribed how one, if he/she indentifies him/herself with his worldly desires and limited personality, is bound to face pain and trouble and suffering, whereas if we broaden our perception so that we see that we are all there is, we will only experience joy and bliss and love. There are, my dear sister, no words to describe how beautiful and harmoniuos this poem was, but even more importantly, as I was reading it, I had such strong and beauiful spiritual feelings and felt such easyness and non-attaachment to the material world - I have never ever experienced something like that in my waken state. I was Atma itself and Bliss itself and nothing else, and all that thanks to your dream-poem! I will cherish this exceptional dream for ever, for it showed me clearly that it is indeed the Ultimate Reality that I experienced for a few precious moments, while this waken life is just a dream, turining from time to time into a nightmere for me. The poem was wirtten in Serbian, and when I woke up I could still remember the last verse that read:

"Cega sam se bojala
kad sve sam ja, kad sve sam ja?"

(What was I affraid of
when all is me, when all is me?)

Just because of the rime it sounds much better in Serbian and I jumped out of my bed immidiately to write the dream down in my little dream notebook. It was such an uplifitng experience; I hope in spite of my limited English I was able to convey some of the feeling to you too. Well, no, I am actually sure you'll be able to pick it up with all your sensitivity and receptivity.

Once again, I want to tell you how very happy you made me by making that call and how very excellent the timing was. I had felt so down that day and Swami reassured me through you. I know it was Him who made you call, it was Him who took pity on my desperate state of mind and wanted to chear me up and pour out a new dose of inspiration and courage on my little troubled head. Thank you sooo much! I love you my dear for you are such a beautiful and awaken soul. I thank Swami uses you a lot as an instrument to guide and teach me. I wish I had more opportunity to see you and discuss many of my thoughts and experiences and troubles with you, for I'm sure it would help me.

Now, how are things on your side? What kind of days and nights are passing by this winter when it comes to you? Did you find the funds for your skirt biz? When are you travelling to India? Hope Swami has lots of beautiful experiences and insights in store for you this time and not only while in India.

With all my love and many Sai Rams,
S.

Crossing the line to be happy

Dear Milijana,

It’s really amazing how Baba uses some of us (in this case you) to help some other of his devotees! Your mail first made me cry and then laugh - for I could feel your /His understanding and reassurance, but also “a gentle kick in the ass” making me stop just losing myself in despair and undertake more to change those circumstances of my life that make me … not happy. That sentence of yours “I have crossed a line and decided that I will choose to pursue those things and people that make me … happy “ made such an impact on me! I’ll frame it!

Thanks, among other things, to your letter, I have realized that I am indeed very much attached to worrying and unhappiness and that I need to cut the ties to them - the sooner the better. On a certain level I knew it before, but the full realization just hit me as a result of reading and re-reading your mail. And I also realized it’s not gonna be easy to re-invent myself, for suddenly I could feel how full I am right now of … fear and, on a very deep level, how little faith I have in me being capable of deep happiness or a fulfilling relationship. I can’t even dream it, it’s so bad! In my mind, I know I am God, in my emotions, I’m so very, so very insecure. Self-confidence in my heart equals zero, due mostly to feeling rejected in my early childhood and due to my bad habit to suppress emotions and live mostly by mind and senses.
But, my dear, don’t you worry; for I am fully aware that realizing all this is a first step towards change and re-invention, right? So as soon as last night I started writing down a basic affirmation in my diary – I AM deeply loved and accepted and full of true peace and self-confidence! And I won’t stop re-affirming this until it gives results, it’s a promise – to you, to Swami and to myself. And - surprise, surprise - today I’m feeling better already!!!

Dear Milijana, I am so happy, so very happy for you and the progress of girlskirtmission! It’s so great, the power of it, in which, when I think of it, in spite of being so far across the big sea, I feel enveloped and lifted and re-juvenated and can’t help but smile at it’s beauty and magic. And you deserve that success, I know that for sure. It’s not an accident.
Thank you so, so much, for inviting me to yoga conference – if I only had had the info a month ago perhaps that would have given me enough time to get a visa issued. So, next time you need someone to help you let me know well in advance if possible and I will be delighted to help you with your magic skirts even if that means having my system shocked with the crazy Californians! I wouldn’t mind at all as I’m sure I could learn a lot from them too! So, beware, I’ll come to visit you some time and see that yogic and crazy and shiny America, just still don’t know when, but one day I will for sure!

So, while I’m doing my affirmations homework, you enjoy the conference for both of us, o.k. Please send me a ‘report’ how it was! And … be happy… be blissful …for your own sake and for mine and for the Creator’s… I’m so grateful to Him for giving me you. And I am so grateful to you for all your love, understanding and support. God bless you, dear Sai sister. Stay always so beautiful in body and mind and heart – that’s what I wish for you.

With much love, admiration and gratitude
Your younger
(I don’t mean age, but wisdom of the heart)
sister,
S.

At this moment

Wed, 21 Jul 2004 12:05:47 -0700 (PDT)
From: "milijana"
Subject: Re: at the moment


At the moment,
I am on the internet in the dark of night in the land of Gods and Goddesses, beloved India my constant beck and call. Alone I march on, on my journey that will eventually lead home only to find home is with me all along. Alone I write, alone I march to the tune of my calling soul. Looking for all the clues and all the joy of life's journey in it's fullest. Willing to live only to live it fully. Many mountains I have crossed. Many crevices have been my fall. But all in all none hold back my soul. Nothing remains. No scratch, no mark no trace of the journey's toil. Only the joy of it's fullest expression. For when I climb and I reach a plateau nothing else exists except the exhilaration of it's grandeur. The rest all fades and melts like snow. All is gone, for the purity of the goal absolves all else in it's fold. The joy of the goal renders meaningless the dark corners that were met while following the symphony of ones calling. The beauty of the goal outshines and outcasts the memories of the hardship and the pain that were it's stepping stone.

I stand alone.
I fulfill my life's destiny.
I express God's Light and God's Love.
For there is no other goal.

Sai Ram from Bangalore.
your sweet sister,
at the moment,
milijana

Starving in India. Working in India.

Subject: Starving in India...

From: info@girlskirtmission.com

Date: Wed, October 17, 2007 7:13 am

To: Robert G

I'm so hungry. Hey, is this a theme or what?

Wasn't I flying around without nourishment when I talked to you by phone when I was in US?? I'm not underweight so this isn't a problem but it is a problem if you know what I mean.

Ok. a big eeewwwwwww! on your little story.

Yes, it's all true. Although I had no idea about the carrying on the head. yuk. (human waste) It is common to see men's backsides as they use the sides of the road, up close to a wall relieving themselves. These are normal men off their two wheelers (as motorcycles are known here) not street people.

When you see the masses on the road and sidewalk, the question does arise... where does one go? no wonder streets are ok for the men. Some of the coffee places don't even have public bathrooms.

I'm sick. 3 1/2 hrs. sleep didn't help. In my room all day today retreating from the chaos of life here.Some self inflicted. Manufacturing is always a tough one especially if you are starting wit new unit and... one in the corner of an unpaved corner of the world off the main road that is home to many parked lorry trucks, trash heap and just for kicks a nice coconut e tree in the middle of the narrow bumpy dirt road leading to factory gate.

I BOUGHT A NEW digital camera mine has been problematic for years AND OMG! It has...video feature. Yesterday on way to factory I was catching the whole passing scene from the backseat of the car (Toyota minivan). Including a mom in full sari and helmet and three children on a motorcycle with her (the norm) she has the youngest in front against the handlebars standing, two young daughters behind her holding on.

So a pancake stack of 4 zooming alongside us. When they spotted my camera they were all smiles and waves and "Happy journey!!" Was very funny. I passed them twice over long distance and then when we slowed to turn.... there they were... they pulled over and came to the window to say hi and ask for chocolates. I passed two chocolate bars through the window to a young girl in full burka while stopped alongside a big loud old bus. Only her eyes and head visible in the window. "What country?" she asked ...one answers with a pause.

Wonder how many of them hate us.

I can speak some fast Serbian and pretend I'm from the village of my birth.

Or from Mars my real hometown.

I document my whole ride to the factory including stills inside.

I'm going to post the wild ride on my "blog" someday.

Ok. Few things on the fast. (The house boy is running out to get me some needed nourishment and I write in the guest house on my laptop to avoid the work I have to maneuver in the next days with the production. It's a monster job is all I know. And I'm not at my best at the moment).

To answer a long ago question.

Another from sheer memory... I am as we speak holding a sample with a pocket for the pants based on a pant made by my Delhi lady. It is too good.

My website and resolution I have to ask my web guy. Yes, I have high res. Yes, I've seen the site on other screens. Especially in India on really old computers and it resorts to scrolling bars so it shouldn't cut off anything but just give annoying scroll bars to see the whole site?

Anyway these are things to attack when I am done with this hell of a job.

Bright spot is Cathy in Chicago sent me some needed samples I didn't have here AND they are really well sized (had some issues with last order in front rise being short). And just getting these good versions of the pants made my day. So many sizing spec issues going on for two days... 7-8 hrs. at the factory mostly sitting around.

Passed out the other night it wears you out.

I had fun with the people working there... if you only knew... it's small so all departments (sewing, cutting, finishing, are all in one big room) and as I walk in every head in long rows turns and stares at me.

I walk in to a sea of eyes. It is embarrassing and funny. I bought a big bag of candies and had the manager pass one out to each sewing machine. Since then it's all smiles and fun. Even... yes Love. I really do love these people. If I could I'd give them all an envelope with a bonus. $10-20 would be a big deal.

For now one little sweet was all.

But now I'm the star there. Although if they bring me one more tea with SO MUCH sugar I will have to explode in an epileptic seizure. Why am I writing all this to you?

I don't know but I hope you enjoy it.

Drought followed by a torrential rain. That is me.

I do appreciate all the efforts you are making on GSM.

Trying my pants on today, yes, again I could affirm, they are the coolest pants on the planet.

In fact I bought that domain name. To build just one cool page of pants another way to route people to my store.

My..food is here!

Ok.

Off I go to feed myself. Someday maybe the masses.

It really is a crime don't you think that there are hungry people in this world?

IT's crazy.

The world is crazy the only crazy thing is... it doesn't know it :)

Signing off from comfort of her discomfort in India.

Bestest regards,

Milijana

Letter to Krishna Das

Letter sent with gift of girlskirtmission Indian Kurtas.

11/17/2004
Dear Mr. Krishan Das,

I decided I really wanted you to have one of my shirts (or two). So I found you. And on your web site I saw that you will be in Germany, and Frankfurt.
Makes my heart take a thump. The years I lived there and in darshan of Mother Meera were the greatest gift of God. She gave me everything…even eventually passing me on to a life in India. And to those whom much is given…..

May I only and always be of Service to God. I love you and I want to dress you.

Your music saw me through the loneliest and hardest climb of my life.
Germany is a tough place to move and alone.

Thank you. And Jai Ma. The two of you saved my life.

And now I’m…. importing some of the colors and Light and Love of India to the West.
I’m just a start-up designing Indian skirts and yoga pants to the Yogis and Yoginis.

My mission statement:

“I want to take over the world. And do it with a skirt. To teach it Love”

And….they love them. They are infused with Love and the joy and gratitude I feel in my heart.

And….I resisted doing a “business”. I only wanted my Guru and my bhakti life and India. The night I decided I had had enough and was packing my bags to go back….My guru came in my dream, and I was on a dirt road in India with people all lined up for darshan and in anticipation I got up and found my guru sitting in an open “carriage” (chariot perhaps?) speaking to someone next to me.... with a leap when I had the opportunity with hands folded in prayer, I asked “Swami! What should I do?”. He looked me straight in the eyes and said “stay in worldly life” and then he told me the one thing that anyone could have told me which took away all fear that I was compromising my spiritual life. So what could one do but stay. And all the doors have opened with ease and I find a life and a community that is actually a joy. For now at least, it seems to be my dharma to dress Americans in Indian fabrics.

I hope you like them. You would look good in them.

At least wear them in Germany and the circle will be complete.

With deep bow,
Milijana