Dear Milijana,
It’s really amazing how Baba uses some of us (in this case you) to help some other of his devotees! Your mail first made me cry and then laugh - for I could feel your /His understanding and reassurance, but also “a gentle kick in the ass” making me stop just losing myself in despair and undertake more to change those circumstances of my life that make me … not happy. That sentence of yours “I have crossed a line and decided that I will choose to pursue those things and people that make me … happy “ made such an impact on me! I’ll frame it!
Thanks, among other things, to your letter, I have realized that I am indeed very much attached to worrying and unhappiness and that I need to cut the ties to them - the sooner the better. On a certain level I knew it before, but the full realization just hit me as a result of reading and re-reading your mail. And I also realized it’s not gonna be easy to re-invent myself, for suddenly I could feel how full I am right now of … fear and, on a very deep level, how little faith I have in me being capable of deep happiness or a fulfilling relationship. I can’t even dream it, it’s so bad! In my mind, I know I am God, in my emotions, I’m so very, so very insecure. Self-confidence in my heart equals zero, due mostly to feeling rejected in my early childhood and due to my bad habit to suppress emotions and live mostly by mind and senses.
But, my dear, don’t you worry; for I am fully aware that realizing all this is a first step towards change and re-invention, right? So as soon as last night I started writing down a basic affirmation in my diary – I AM deeply loved and accepted and full of true peace and self-confidence! And I won’t stop re-affirming this until it gives results, it’s a promise – to you, to Swami and to myself. And - surprise, surprise - today I’m feeling better already!!!
Dear Milijana, I am so happy, so very happy for you and the progress of girlskirtmission! It’s so great, the power of it, in which, when I think of it, in spite of being so far across the big sea, I feel enveloped and lifted and re-juvenated and can’t help but smile at it’s beauty and magic. And you deserve that success, I know that for sure. It’s not an accident.
Thank you so, so much, for inviting me to yoga conference – if I only had had the info a month ago perhaps that would have given me enough time to get a visa issued. So, next time you need someone to help you let me know well in advance if possible and I will be delighted to help you with your magic skirts even if that means having my system shocked with the crazy Californians! I wouldn’t mind at all as I’m sure I could learn a lot from them too! So, beware, I’ll come to visit you some time and see that yogic and crazy and shiny America, just still don’t know when, but one day I will for sure!
So, while I’m doing my affirmations homework, you enjoy the conference for both of us, o.k. Please send me a ‘report’ how it was! And … be happy… be blissful …for your own sake and for mine and for the Creator’s… I’m so grateful to Him for giving me you. And I am so grateful to you for all your love, understanding and support. God bless you, dear Sai sister. Stay always so beautiful in body and mind and heart – that’s what I wish for you.
With much love, admiration and gratitude
Your younger
(I don’t mean age, but wisdom of the heart)
sister,
S.
No comments:
Post a Comment